dunno why i always wake up tired nowadays. haiz. anyway, ytd was xmas, so a merry xmas to everyone, lol althought its ytd lah =.= so anyway, woke up like 2pm cos didnt slp at all the night b4. i hate the sight of my home the moment i wake up... i seriously dont like wat i'm seeing... for those of u who dont noe, my dad is repainting the whole house, and i'm not talking abt just the walls... i'm tokin abt the ceiling as well. and its not just the simple job of painting it, b4 painting it, hav to scrub the stupid dusty ceiling clean first. now imagine u hav to do that for the entire 5-room flat. fuck you. its not xmas today, so i dont care >.> anyway, cb lah, for wat wan to repaint the whole house also. you dont let me choose the colours also. painting my room white everything, cos i'd rather choose it over pink =.= white becos its the only other paint they bought for the ceiling. i initially wanted blue walls like this colour, with orange ceiling, orange like this or maybe abit lighter, no need so bright also can. but nooo, he doesnt even consider it, he says its not nice straight away, wat kind of fucking old fashioned brain does he hav, stubborn too. everyone, pls ask me to go out like almost everyday, it doesnt matter if we spend money or not, pls just ask me to go out, i got absolutely no desire to help out at all, even for my own room.
seriously, i feel like i hav no strings tied to anyone in my family at all. their just ppl i see everyday. and the ppl i dont see everyday a.k.a friends, are the ppl who are like my family. i hate my father, i dont like my elder bro, i'm like the seldomly talked to friend in class wif my bro and sis, my mom is the only person whom i'm actually closer to, and most of my friends are also placed higher than her. lately even more so than previously, i feel like i dont belong in the house at all. i feel like running away from home even. but the logic kicks in, i hav no money on my own, i cant really support myself yet, i dont hav a place to stay, and i love my laptop too much =.=
fuck lah, most of these probs also caused by my dad. its all him anyway, from the start, he nvr was a father figure anway, nvr was at home due to work, cant blame that but other stuff, like leaving all the parenting stuff to my mom, housework all left to my mom , treats my mom like a maid. my mom is too softhearted, if i were her, i would hav left him a long time ago. my dad caused our family to be isolised from the rest of my relatives, he's not on good terms wif his own family and he stubbornly caused us to break away from my mom's family. smokes everyday at home, wif no consideration whether or not ppl are ard him EATING DINNER. fuck. fuck. fuck. hate him to the core. why cant i hav someone who actually cares right from the beginning as my father. he only cares like halfway through after 18 yrs. and now its already too late to do this. when he was sick, i didnt really care, he fell from the ladder like 2 times, once scratching his leg and bled alot. i didnt even ask him abt it. gosh, if he died the only thing i would care abt is income. seeing all my friends, true, some of their families might be further away from them as well, but most of them love their family. oh ya i also hate my dad for bringing me into the world. well not for that but for bringing me in when hes like 44. and he blames me and my bro on the fact that he cant support us anymore. wtf, i mean its his own fault, he didnt even think when he was flirting ard at that age, he didnt even think abt his DYING WIFE, he didnt even marry my mom till my bro was born. and the only proof of marriage is a piece of paper, which i dont even noe if its still kept.
and to think all these are written on my blog, never being told to them. i'm not even gonna tell them anyway. their not even close enough for me to pour out my feelings to. ppl say u only hav 1 family in ur whole life. well, i say to hell wif it, who cares abt such a broken up family anyway. i realise that i've been writing on my family stuff for quite long liao le, shall continue on wif the blog post.
so anyway, chatted on msn till ard 6, jas ask me wan go his house for xmas dinner or not, so i went over, lol, lots of food there, jas's mom keep asking me to eat. i step into his house only got ppl say i fat liao le =.= his aunt or smt said "wa keng siang now so fat already ar" =.= wtf!! i wanna slim down!! i must persevere!! lol then after that, jas mom said wa u getting fatter and fatter ar... T_T just shoot me someone. after that angie came, then ks came. ate awhile more, then we went into crystalbelle's room to play blackjack wif their cousins. yay i'm happy to say i won over $30! lol which is quite alot considering all put like $2 or less only. i was banker for most of the time, love it when i win, hate it when i lose =.= anyway, won so much, its enough for me to go clubbing liao! played halfway, then wj came by and play also, lol played till abt 11+ went out for 2nd round, love the prawns, then sat down and chatted wif jas, ks and wj. chatted till like 1230 then i scared no lrt to sit home, so i said lets go home liao. nxt day (which is today) i'm up here bloggin! ok thats all for today, hav to paint my room today =.= sigh
Labels: merry xmas