Saturday, January 10, 2009
~ 9:48 PM ~
hmm.. been quite long since i last blogged, well, i've been thinkin to blog for quite some time now, but i guess i'm just too caught up with things atm... i would love to say that i'm really caught up in studying and all that, but no, lol, i'm caught up in the games that i hav been playin for this past week.
thx to marcus for sending me the new Final Fantasy : Dissidia, really love that game, so cool lah, lol, actually i put one of the opening cinematics into my com, but i'm just lazy to upload it rite now... been playin less and less WoW, dunno why, but i love my fire.. and i'm also gettin more and more bored of my life rite now.. theres practically nothing for me to do at all, theres no ideas popping into my head of wat i should do today, no goals, no nothing.
i feel that i'm very indecisive, majority of my decisions are always based on someone else. most of the time, my decision is influenced based on some friend of mine. during pri sch, i remember it was some friend who said that this sec sch was good, and i ended up choosing that as first choice.. after the first day, i decided to transfer to another sch. during my sec sch, i dropped my cca partly cos i lost my passion for it, and also cos my friends didnt like it. later on, i chose sp also cos of influences from yet another friend of mine. well, i cant say that i hav regretted any of these choices, but i feel like i need to get one my own feet, do stuff wif my own strength.
i really need to grow up.. i dunno if its just me or wat, ever since young, i've always LOVED games. i noe everyone else also loved games just like me, but i guess i just have a particularly stronger attraction to games. during my younger years, when everyone else was busily studyin for exams, i would still study, cos i'm being forced by my mom. my mom would give me like a curfew or smt on games. she would only allow me to play for like wat, 3 hrs? on games, it gradually began to move up to longer amounts of time, but still it wasnt enough for me. eventually it came to the day when i played for 24 hrs straight and more.. now, i just keep playin games every min i get, i dont study, i dont revise~ i dont pass. i noe i hav to stop at a certain limit, but i cant get enough of games..
i dont really noe if biotech is really the right choice for me, i've always been good in my science and math from pri sch till sec sch, but i wouldnt say that i'm a science kind of person. yes, i'm interested, i'm curious, but not to the point where i sit down for hours and hours just to read a whole book of biology. how i wish school didnt exist. i wish all that info was just available somewhere on the net and its just for u to view at ur leisure, and we dont hav to be tested for it, dont hav any exams wat so ever. uggh, i'm just tokin abt the impossible...
oh i forgot the reason why i started this blog post.. now i remember.. i wish there was some place where u can just enter into ur perfect dreamland, where everything goes for u. that way i wont havin so much trouble tryin to block out some things in my mind.. sometimes i might seem like i dont care anymore, but in actual fact, i'm still thinking of certain things. i go over an event that took place like dunno yrs ago or wat ever and play it back in my mind, its hard for me to control it, i dont wanna think abt those stuff anymore and yet they keep comin back. how i wish i can selectively forget anything that i dont wanna remember. i read a friend's blog post on alzheimer's disease. its not that bad.. for the people who hav it, at least they are oblivious to everything around them, i wish i had it. i remember a movie i watched.. "50 first dates", if i remember the girl in the movie also had alzheimer's, she couldnt remember anything beyond 24hrs. so every 24 hrs, her memory resets, and she will still be living on a certain day, thinking everything is absolutely the way its supposed to be. well, in the end, she's living happily, everyday, she and her husband would record down everything they did that day in video, and everymorning when she wakes up, there will be a tape for her to see, telling her the truth of her illness, and also telling her all the things that she did since then. i hav a lot of painful memories.. i dont want to remember.Labels: friends, memories